A Drunken Word is A Sober Thought
by Psyc0gurl0
Summary: Addex. One-shot. After a hard day at work Alex finds perfect Addison in a not so perfect state.


**Author's Note:** one shot! I swear, It's a one shot. lol. Addex of course! because everything else is kinda...LAME! eh. Basically I hate this season, idk maybe it's Lexi, cause u know, she's pretty annoying, at least that's how I find her. Now i don't like Rose either. sigh. Anyway Here's the one-shot fic about the amazing addex couple! I was watching early old season 3 eppis and I saw the one where Addison was drunk and talking w/ Bailey and I thought, what if Addison was drunk and talking/spilling secrets out w/ Alex! How AMAZING would that be! lol. so I tried. It's told through Addison's POV, also I guess u want a summary...it involves comfort, alcohol and Alex. Also it takes place around early season 3 althought let's pretend Addison and Derek got divorced early on...er. yeah. You'll get it. I guess.

**Disclaimer: **nope. nothin belongs to me. If this show belonged to me, basically LExi would have died and Rose would be in the ocean drowning. But they aren't so obviously I own nothing.

**A Drunken Word Is A Sober Thought**

Alcohol was my crutch.

I know, it sounds like I'm a crazed alcoholic, but I promise you I'm not. I won't allow myself to go down that road.

All through my life I tried not to have any addictions, which resulted in heavy amounts of studying instead of hanging out in the administration parking lot smoking pot and cigarettes. All through high school and college I had no crutches. My addictions were limited to studying and getting the hell out of there to become a neonatal surgeon, my dream.

Now at 29.5 years old I had a crutch. That crutch began with a G and ended with a N. With an I in between. Gin. Of course his friends, Jose, Jack and John were along for the overdramatic ride.

I nursed my little shot and smiled sadly wondering if I'd ever find my message in a bottle. I hated relying on things, but since my week–actually whole month–had been the crappiest week of all I'd make a large exception.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepard?"

I winced hearing the hyphen along with Shepard, the dreaded name.

The stupid name, a name that I would never want associated with me.

Ever.

Again.

Drowning the shot I turned to the guy next to me. His face was swimming before my eyes and I had to squint to see who it was, if I could make him out.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepard? You ok?" he asked again touching my arm.

I swatted his hand away and waved Joe over.

"I-I'm frine." I slurred giggling suddenly.

"I'm not married anymore. I'm free. I don't feel free though. I feel like what's-his-face is suffocating me. Have you ever felt like that? Like you're being suffocated by the people around you?"

I touched the guy's arm whose name I couldn't remember.

"What's your name again?"

I giggled scooting closer.

He cleared his throat, "Jeez, Addison? It's Alex, you know, I've been working with you for, like, 2 months. You don't remember me?"

Was there hurt in his voice?

I giggled again. "I know who you are Aaron! Jeez! Relax! You're my best doctor! I can tell you anything, right? Right? Such a good friend you are, Ashley." I said taking a sip of my friend Jack.

"Alex. My name is Alex." he said a little annoyed.

"You call me Karev though." he added

I nodded violently.

"I know that! You've worked for me for awhile, I'm guessing. I just–just can't remember what you help me with. Are you an intern?"

He sighed and suddenly his face became clearer and I remembered everything about him.

I shook my head and put a hand on his shoulder. "Alex, I-I'm sorry. I...don't know what's gotten into me. I'm sorry." I stammered reaching over the bar and getting the bottle of Gin.

Gin was my friend tonight.

Very good friend.

Maybe a lover of sorts?

My only lover since my current one, Mark, was being an ass and who I also couldn't call my lover anymore cause as I kept reminding myself, we were done. I was finito with Mark. Mark was not my lover. Anymore. Then my husband, a bigger ass then Mark (they were conveniently friends, or at least used to be) Derek Shepard, whose name I didn't want to hear ever again...what was I thinking?

I looked at Alex and smiled, "am I talking out loud?"

He looked at me for a minute then nodded, "so you were with Mark?"

I laughed, "I was. I was. Like, 2 weeks ago actually. Man, he was great in the sack. You should have sex with him, he's amazing! I mean, don't get me wrong Derek was great—ok! Ok! I lie! I lie! He was kinda...not up to par, if you know what I mean." I said nudging Alex.

Alex gave me a strange look and nodded slowly, "so, you and Sloan?"

"Didn't we just go over this? God! Alex! Keep up! Keep! Up! I'm the drunk one here, remember?" I said giggling suddenly.

I clutched Alex as a wave of dizziness came over me.

"I wish I was normal." I said suddenly feeling serious.

"I am a 29 year old women whose a recent divorce. The last guy I slept with is also sleeping with Callie and kinda hates me. He was also Derek's buddy. I'm a mess, Alex. How do you fix a mess? I mean, my life is the kinda life people watch on stupid sitcoms. I'd watch sitcoms but I don't have the time for it cause chicks are having babies left and right."

"I can't believe you said chicks." Alex said quietly.

"I did! I did! God! Do you listen! Your such a bad listener!" I whined suddenly gasping.

"Do you want kids Alex?"

I watched as he choked on his beer.

I smirked at him.

"I don't want kids. I was pregnant with Mark's baby in New York a couple months ago. He was so excited to be a dad. Did you know? I wasn't. Can you imagine me as a mother and Mark as a father? It'd be hell. Big ugly hell. I hate my life." I whispered taking a long drink.

I paused from talking since the liquid was still burning my throat.

"Have you eaten anything?" Alex asked suddenly.

I shrugged and kept chugging. "Eating is for losers! Although I want to be fat. It's my new plan. Would I look good fat? I'll have bigger boobs. Guys like big boobs, right? Do you like big boobs Aaron?" "Alex...and yes."

"Good. Tomorrow I'm walking into the hospital and ordering myself up a huge order of new boobs."

I paused.

"Is that why everyone leaves me? Because of my boobs? Do you think Meredith's boobs are bigger then mine?" I whispered in Alex's ear.

I watched as he shifted uncomfortably and I giggled again.

"S'ok. Don't answer. Is this harassment? Am I harassing you?"

"Your not harassing me, Addison." he said smiling at me.

I looked at him sadly then turned back to my drink.

"I got divorced today Alex. I know, I know, you don't wanna hear about my sordid affairs but...it's been a bad month. I need this. I don't do it often. Don't get the wrong idea it's just...the panties, then Meredith, then Mark's booty call, the sex, getting divorced, it's a lot. I need Gin, John, Jack, and Jose to get me through it." I said feeling momentarily somber.

I had to get back to drunk.

"It's fine. Drink away, Addie." Alex said quietly.

I turned to him and smiled.

"Have you ever felt like your going to disappear? I mean, that if you suddenly disappeared no one would notice you've gone? No one would care? This past month I've felt like I've been disappearing and no one would care anymore because I'm the bitch. The devil. Satan's lover."

I stared at the counter top.

"I'd miss you. I'd care." Alex said quietly.

I looked up at him, "that's sweet, but let's get real, Karev. I'm not miss able. I can disappear and no one would know the difference."

He looked at me for a long minute.

"I'm miss you. I care." he repeated.

I smiled at him.

"So, you and Mark? You guys done?"

I shrugged, "I told him not to talk to me. But he's Mark Sloan. He doesn't understand no. It's like...it's like he doesn't listen. Like he refuses to listen to you despite it's borderline rape, you know? He just goes for it. The sex, the women...the sex. Mark's a manwhore." I said sighing.

"I can't believe I loved him. Have you ever loved someone Alex? I mean, really? Loved them so much you think you'd do anything for them. Loved them like nothing you've ever loved before. And if you hurt them you think you wouldn't be able to live because when you lie in bed at night all you could see is their broken expression plastered in your eye sockets? Have you ever felt that Alex?" I looked at him waiting for a reply.

"No. I've never felt that."

"Well it sucks." I snapped reaching across the bar and bringing John out to play.

"Addie? Don't you think you've had enough?"

I smirked staring at John, "not even close, buddy."

Taking a long gulp I looked back at Alex.

"Why are you here? You hate me. You're suppose to hate me. I am the ex Mrs. Shepard. Why are you here, Alex? Can't you leave? I'd like to find my message in a bottle in peace, you know?"

"You want me to go?"

I nodded and watched as he stayed put.

"Too bad." he said smirking.

"I wish it'd be done." I whispered looking at the drink.

"What?"

"Everything. I wish everything could be done. I wish I could fast forward to when I'm 80 and see what my life has become. I know, I shouldn't think that but...I've had enough of living and I want it to be done."

With that I dissolved into tears.

I felt his arms go around me and I breathed in his distinctive scent. I sobbed into his black coat and hugged him closer wishing that with this hug he'd make all the pain go away. For a moment I thought he wanted the same. As my sobs died down I looked at him and watched as his brown eyes looked into my green ones.

"It gets better, you know, the whole starting-to-date again thing. It gets better."

I nodded sadly and looked at my 4 friends.

"I think it's time for me to go home." I said quietly standing up on my wobbly legs.

He smiled and escorted me out. He called me a cab and as we waited I turned to him.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Everyone has a rough day, even Satan."

I smiled and sat down on the sidewalk. I didn't care that I was getting my silky black 100 dollar skirt dirty.

I was drunk.

"Addison—"

"I don't care." I said looking up at him.

"It's only dirt." he smiled and sat beside me.

"Sorry about everything."

"What?"

"Everything I said in the beginning. You're a good teacher."

I smiled, "apart from right now."

"No, you're still good."

I looked down the street and saw headlights in the distance.

"Too big to be the cab." I muttered turning back to Alex.

"Thanks for doing this."

He smiled warmly, "it was my pleasure. You deserve it. Sloan's an ass and Shepard's a bigger one."

I rolled my eyes, "they're good surgeons."

"Not as good as you."

I turned to look at him sharply, "I-I...Alex what are we doing? I like you. I don't know about you liking me, but I like you. You're hott. I'm drunk. I'm old. You're too...young. I don't think there can be a 'we.' I'm sorry." I said slurring my words and stuttering.

Was I even making sense?

He smirked, "I'm hott?"

I giggled feeling very drunk again, "very. God. I sound like a 14 year old. I'm drunk." I rambled.

"I need to stop talking. Bad territory." I mumbled.

"So...have you thought about me? I mean, in the way you're describing."

I felt my cheeks redden.

"Alex! We're co-workers. I can't do this!" I gushed feeling very hot.

"And yes. I have. But you can't repeat this. Hello! Ending bad marriage! Ending bad love affair! I'm not the type of girl you wanna hook up with." I said letting a giggle erupt.

I hated when I got nervous I always giggled incessantly, drunk and somber.

Damn.

"Who said anything about hooking up?" he asked suddenly.

I felt stupid and I sighed.

"Where's my cab?"

"Come on, Addie—"

"Don't call me Addie." I snapped standing up.

I stubbled over to the trash cans behind the bar because suddenly I was nauseous.

"Alex, please leave." I said leaning against the wall.

"You need to leave." I said again closing my eyes and taking deep breaths in.

"Why?"

"Your making me nervous and I'm gonna puke." I snapped putting a hand against my stomach.

He laughed, "jeez—"

He was interrupted by my retching sounds.

Next thing I know I'm in my hotel room hugging the toilet with my right hand and holding my toothbrush with my left. I heard Alex in the room watching tv.

"Are you done?" he yelled.

I grumbled and stood up brushing my teeth for the 4th time that night.

"Why are you still here?" I asked breathing out minty fresh breath.

He turned the tv down and stood up coming over to me, "I wanted to see that you were ok. You are. Do you want me to leave?"

I glanced at the clock and sighed, "it's 2 in the morning. You can stay. Sleep on the other bed." he smirked at me and pulled his shirt and shoes off.

"You got it doc." I sighed and crawled into bed already dreading the tomorrow that was to come.

"Hey Addison?" Alex asked as I turned off all the lights.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly already feeling a headache coming on.

"I like you too." I smiled in the dark and rolled over feeling for a moment that maybe tomorrow wouldn't be so bad.

That was, until I saw the sunlight and felt the avoidance in Alex's demeanor.

(A/n: how was it for a one-shot? good? bad?


End file.
